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My “Soul of the World” Speaks & I Listen

It’s hard to think that there’s not a reason I ended up with adrenal fatigue, even if I was one that didn’t have the belief system that “all things happen for a reason”.

I haven’t posted a blog yet, but I’ve chosen my word of the year for 2011.
I contemplated several other words; healing, recovery, patience, balance. My final decision was “LISTEN”. This word harnesses pure magic for me.

Listen can mean several things and sums up what this next chapter in my journey is all about. Listening to my body and what it’s telling me is a good place to start. I stood in front of the mirror last night bawling my eyes out, as I stared at the reflection and saw the weight I’ve gained – the time I wasted. I’m witnessing my friends appear in success story commercial shoots, while I sit here a slave to my body! I was beyond pissed at the amount of work I had put out there and the amount of time I had sacrificed for this weight loss. In that moment I quieted… and listened… and heard…


“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” ~The Alchemist

 

I crawled into bed, a little more calm and centered – somewhat relieved. I picked up my Kindle and flipped to The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. As I began to read I realized I was in another meant-to-be kind of moment. These words spoke to me…


Exam time! No one said there’d be a test! Didn’t you just hate the pop quizzes in school? I remember pure panic set in!

Throughout this entire process (okay, it’s only been 4 months, and 2 with the diagnosis) I’ve known deep within there is purpose that waits for it’s unveiling. There is a deeper meaning and understanding on the other side of this. Knowing this without a doubt has given me a boost of strength to endure the periods I struggle. And I’m constantly reminding myself that through my weight loss journey I have been prepared for this (never mind, through the weight loss journey I landed here). I have the tools to make it through to what lies ahead. I can also sense the same anticipation of wanting to be there YESTERDAY! I’m not fully embracing the journey – yet, again – but rather looking to the destination – I want to be DONE with this! I feel the sadness in that. There are many lessons learned coming to the surface to be tested.

My friend, Liz, posted The Mother Of All Questions in response to a question Geneen Roth posted on her FB a few days ago:

 

“What do you think your ‘job description’ is here on earth?

What do you think you were put here to do, be, know, communicate?”


I think I’m getting closer to this answer.

Do you believe we are tested before we achieve our dreams? Have you experienced a setback that turned out to be a blessing?

3 Comments:

Wow! I love your insights. This illness is certainly an opportunity to assess beliefs and values…

I haven’t really thought about my “job description” here on earth, but I would hope that it includes living up to my potential, inspiring and helping others and being true to myself.

T, that was amazing! And I’ve had to those mirror confrontations with myself too (recently, in fact). It’s good to “let it out.”

As much as being tested is an annoyance, I think it helps us assess just how much we want something, and what we’re willing to slog through or put up with to get there. And maybe sometimes that test is telling us it’s the wrong goal BUT we’re going to learn something important in the process.

Probably my biggest setback that turned out to be a blessing was losing my job in 2007. I was seriously stressed out and didn’t want to admit it – I didn’t like the turn the job had taken but I was too stubborn/chicken to just quit. I lost the job, took my unemployment, and decided to launch my own work-at-home business of editing/writing. I’ve met some very cool people along the way, learned a lot about myself, got to spend more time with my kids, and do some volunteer work that has been so very rewarding and, at times, life-renewing. Has it been easy? Heck no. It’s been financially chaotic and slightly depressing…but I’m where I need to be at the moment and that’s all good.

Liz

Choice in Ownership « T's Journey from Fat to Figure to Finding Herself says:

[...] lessons learned, if I could only learn one thing through my training it would be [...]

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