1/18/11 – Experiments & Acceptance
So, apparently the sauna is a huge no, no for me. And little by little I’m learning my limitations, and I’m SO FRUSTRATED!!! But deeper inside… I can sense a bigger picture emerging. I just have to stop forcing it down.
I’ve been reading a lot on the subject of adrenal exhaustion. A lot of the information is widely agreed on. One of the recommendations is sitting in a sauna. After practicing this twice now I’m convinced without a shadow of a doubt this is absolutely not for me. 10 min. leaves me completely wiped for the rest of the day, leaving me more fatigued for the rest of the week. 10 min? Really!? With this experience I’m realizing even more that this recovery process will be a trial and error process. I’ve accepted this with everything else life has to throw at me, why would this be any different?
I also came to realize that I’ve been under what RC calls “paralysis by analysis”. I told him I was lost in what to do with my cardio and ST. But really, after I thought about that more, I’m not “lost”. I’m just confused on where to start, afraid to make a mistake. Really? A mistake? At this point in the game, not sure it’s going to matter as long as it’s LESS than what I was doing before. Ummm… so…. how ’bout I pick the suggestion that makes the most logical sense and TRY IT?!?
So on that note, yesterday I changed up the ST and today I started my cardio. I’ve bagged up the “all or nothing” mentality and shoved it out the door… in the cold, I might add. For ST I’m experimenting with a 3x a week 30 min. sessions of splits. I’m thinking, push, pull and lower body. For cardio, I’m experimenting with the most common suggestion of 3x a week 15 min. sessions at or under 100bpm. Do you KNOW how hard this is!?!?
Yesterday I got in 3 back exercises, and just went with how it felt, dropping reps where needed, etc. Then I demolished myself in that sauna. No more! This morning I’m feeling drained earlier than usual, but I decided to see if the cardio would make me feel better. I put on my HR monitor. Got on the elliptical and to my surprise I was up to 100bpm at only 100 SPM. (I’m used to going just over 200SPM.) Before my 15 minutes were up, my heart rate climbed to the point I had to adjust my speed to 80 SPM. So looking like 100 is even too much. MENTALLY TOUGH!!!
And now…. I’m wiped! I’m frustrated and I’m trying my best to stay positive. This is the hardest part of all this – the mental mind games.
So let me go into some of the positive things, to switch gears.
My hunger cues are back! …. so it would appear. And I’m using this opportunity to listen and FEED them in hopes they will only help ground me more and more. I’m also noticing that my weight is plateauing. Eating a bite or a meal that wasn’t extremely clean would have me soaking up everything my body could , in a way that was unexplainable and just down right unnatural (I am NOT exaggerating). It’s hard to be told “don’t diet” but the only thing that keeps you from gaining is a competition diet. This last week I’ve noticed this not having such a huge impact. My weight is looking stable at this moment. Not where I’d LIKE it but STABLE is a GOOD, GOOD thing! Being able to eat more has definitely helped ease some of the fear and anxiety. I’m beginning to feel a little calmer.
I also sense a spiritual connection to this – growth and understanding. I’m becoming more accepting of the fact that this will be a slow and gradual process. I won’t SEE the changes, but I will instead have to FEEL them. I feel as if God has said, “you’re ready for the next lesson and you can handle this. I believe you are destined for great things, and I am preparing you.” I feel like the obvious lessons to be learned are getting back in touch with my body as well as myself (as if I ever was), to further learn how to respect and honor my whole being, which includes being patient and kind to myself, to stand up for what I believe in, to trust my beliefs and feelings over others, to be true to myself and embrace EVERY experience in my life – to learn and grow even more.
I’m not completely accepting of this, obviously, but I’m working on it each day. However, deep inside I really do believe this is a blessing in disguise, if and when I can allow the acceptance in and melt away the fear and frustration of trying to change the path I’m on…… I will grow from it and become a much stronger wiser person. I know this. Bottom line.