1/11/11 – When Normal isn’t Normal Anymore
Seems as though the Dr. had a remedy for the sleep. Time will tell on the stomach. I ate a protein pudding before bed to see if that helps.
I woke feeling much more refreshed than I’ve felt in a few weeks. I made the decision, probably too prematurely, to head to the gym. I used the suggestions of an article I read with how to progress with workouts and such – one exercise per body part, apprx. 30 min workouts, no more than 3x a week. Really?
Still sticking to listening, which is a bizarre task when listening requires adjusting what my “normal” has been set at.
Here’s what I did today:
4 sets decline DB pull-overs – 15 reps @ 15lbs
4 sets decline DB chest press – 15 reps @ 15lbs
4 sets DB walking lunges – 15 reps. 1st set @15lbs, 2nd and 3rd set @ 20lbs, and 4th set 10 reps @ 20lbs.
On that last set of lunges I felt I might be stepping into boundaries I wasn’t supposed to be with the fatigue, so I stopped at 10.
I’ve read about saunas helping, and seeing as though I’m not sweating anymore…. I sat in the sauna for 10 min. (going to “research” this a little further.)
By the time I left, less than an hour later, I felt as if I’d done deadlifts. My energy was zapped. I sunk into a state of depression with many thoughts weighing me down. The hardest part of all this is adjusting my thinking from what is “normal” to what is really a symptom of deeper issues. I think I’ve lived with this for some time now. My normal has become not so normal over night. Let’s face it, I look fine from the outside. Even my husband doesn’t know that I sneak naps in the middle of the day. The constant guilt over needing a nap to survive the day surely wasn’t/isn’t helping.
I’m having a lot of emotional struggles with this whole process. I think I’ve adjusted with pushing through the fatigue so long that it’s just the way it is. I’ve had numerous people telling me I’m fine, it will pass if I take a break, it’s all in my head. I’ve had no one say something might actually need checking out. Only because I’m learning to listen to myself above others, did I go seek help. Through the doctors results the message to listen & trust myself was validated. Only I know how I feel every second of my life. Had my leg been broken and the bone poking through, no one would have argued. It’s harder to go easy on myself and for others to acknowledge what’s going on when you can’t see that I have a broken leg.
I feel God is talking to me. I feel as though everything will be fine, but this is a big lesson for me in seeing what’s really important in my life and finding balance once and for all. My black and white thinking, all or nothing approach, and perfectionist mentality will have to come to a halt at some point. Seems as though the message becomes clearer and clearer. But I’ve had to be open to that message as well. I’m given what I’m ready for in pieces, in a way that isn’t overwhelming enough that I retreat.
I’m thinking about going to real school after I pass my re-certification for my NASM in March. I see too many following this same path, I just would hope one day I can provide a detour before they come to a traffic jam.
Oh, I’ll be skipping the cardio tonight.